Why are some parents nots teaching their children to cook, clean, or even do laundry?
I have noticed more and more over the years that a lot of people do not teach their children how to cook, clean, or even do laundry and I wish understand the reasoning behind this.
I would think that teaching your children these skills would be a valuable asset in their adult lives.
And I’m not just talking about new parents today, I know people who cannot do any of these things that are 18 years old and all the way up to 45 years old.
So when I do ask them "Why do you eat out everynight?, Why don’t you cook?, Why do you have to take your laundry to a cleaning service?", do you know what kind of responses I get?
"I don’t know how., No one ever showed me how to do it., We had somebody else do it for us."
What sense does this make?
And please, before I have to hear about the fact that I don’t have children, I grew up in a large family and being the oldest, I had to help raise and take care of my siblings. And all of us know how to do these basic things.
For those who asked what is my basis for this, here are a few examples.
Example 1: My mother has a neighbor who is 45 Years old and his mother comes over 6 days a week to do his laundry, buy groceries, cleans his house and takes out his garbage.
Example 2: My ex who is 25 years old never had to do anything in the house when he was growing up, so when we moved in together you could imagine what I came home to on after the 1st day.
Example 3: A 33 year old coworker of mine eats out every meal of the day, and doesn’t even know how to make a sandwich at home.
It seems that your examples could also be a cause of laziness and dependency, however, I know what you mean. My children (8 & 3) help me do the household chores. Yes, they are supervised when using solvents or machinery, but my 8 year old knows how to operate the washing machine, does the dusting (she loves to dust, go figure!), vacuums the house, mops the floor, washes windows, and cleans the bathroom counters all without complaining… because she understands that these things need doing, and that Mommy is not going to do it all by herself. Why should I? Her dad is also teaching her how to cook (I don’t like to cook, so that is my hubby’s job). The 3 year old feeds the dog, helps me unload the dishwasher, also loves to dust (it must be the neat duster we have), and picks up her toys every day. This is just how it is in our family, so they know no different. I want them to be able to be self-sufficient when they get older. I also want them to have respect for all the chores that must be done, and for the people that do them daily (like mom!) We have a chore choice chart at home, and the kids get to choose their own chores to do each week. It is a laminated sheet that we can write on with a dry erase pen, and each week, we start with a blank page. Each person can choose to do whatever chore they want, provided that they all get checked off during the week. My oldest likes this, and tries to get her favorite chores before anyone else does… which is great, since it makes her do it quickly and motivates her. My hubby’s best friend still lives at home (33), has mom do his laundry and basically take care of him. I don’t want my kids to be living at home when they are 45! : )
January 11th, 2010 at 2:31 pm
Lazy. Parents are so lazy these days. They want to be their childrens friends because it’s easier, but they don’t care about the effect their lazy spoiled kids will have on society once they are on their own. Straight up laziness.
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January 11th, 2010 at 3:14 pm
because some parents who treat their kids like crap have to make up for it somehow….
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January 11th, 2010 at 3:29 pm
How do you know this about people? I think you need to mind your own business. How does it concern you?
I’m not trying to be rude, I honestly think you’re being too nosy.
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January 11th, 2010 at 4:15 pm
If you don’t want to teach your kids how to do household chores, send them to a Montessori school. I am a Montessori teacher and we teach children how to do tasks they will need in life.
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January 11th, 2010 at 4:46 pm
I learned how to cook when I was six. I was doing my laundry at eight. People don’t understand that this hurts their kids in the long run.
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January 11th, 2010 at 5:12 pm
Perhaps their parents never learned or they were in situations where they didn’t have anyone to teach them. Also, some people grow up in a lifestyle where they are quite busy as kids/teens with sports and other extra-curricular activities so their parents couldn’t show them thanks to the time practice ended. Let’s not forget, some people really just don’t have the patience for it.
I know how to cook, I had to learn how to cook as a kid because my mom was a single mom and it was either, keep eating out of a box or learn to make something better. When she had time to show me, she did. I didn’t really start getting creative with food until I was well into my teens. Laundry, had to know how or it was no clothes lol. And cleaning isn’t that hard, some never had to do the hard cleaning and either just don’t want to or they did a few times and decided they hated it.
Either way, my kids won’t be doing that lol. They’ll have great survival skills and know how to eat outside of the easy mac.
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January 11th, 2010 at 5:44 pm
my mom never taught me how to cook, clean or do laundry. i had to teach myself. basically she was a single mother working 2 jobs and my sister and i had to pitch in and help out around the house while she was working. basically i taught myself how to do these things (well not cook…i love microwaves) and if i had any questions or did it wrong my mom would help me out. but i never got instructed on these things. i still don’t know how to cook and i hate it.
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January 11th, 2010 at 6:25 pm
I think its an on going "problem" parents don’t always know these things.
Some are really ( in their mind ) to busy to make a real meal.
You said you came from a large family( and being the oldest) you were probably not babied as long. Which made you take care of yourself. A lot of couples having less children baby even the oldest longer.
As for cleaning that I don’t have an answer to, but I will say in the nice area I live in often someone is paid to come clean your home. ( so the children aren’t learning that)
Just my thoughts on it….
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January 11th, 2010 at 6:46 pm
While on one hand I agree that it could be laziness on the parents part, I also think that many of those parents might just be thinking along the lines of "I don’t want them to grow up too fast, I want them to be a kid while they ARE a kid". Unfortunately, they don’t realize that while they are putting it off for the sake of childhood, their child is growing up to an age where they NEED to know these things.
I do think it’s mostly a matter of keeping childhood as childhood, and then it just runs away from them faster than they think and before they know it, their child is a full-grown adult with no household skills whatsoever.
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January 11th, 2010 at 7:01 pm
Some might want them to focus on their studies rather than household chores. Others just pamper their children and refuse to let them do housework. Some men might have been taught that housework’s a "woman’s job" and don’t bother to teach their sons to do basic things for themselves. It depends on the parents and the situation.
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January 11th, 2010 at 7:50 pm
I absolutely agree with you! Parents are lazy and they are creating lazy kids. Almost everyone I know has a housekeeper, and most don’t even make their kids pick up their own toys. My 12 year old daughter can run the household very well in my absence. In fact, Monday night, I had a board meeting to go to. She cooked dinner (shrimp jambalaya- from scratch) did the dishes, gave the baby a bath and got her dressed for bed so daddy could tuck her in, and started a load of laundry. She doesn’t have to do that very often, but she’s perfectly capable of doing so because I taught her to. My 15 year old son can do all that too, he just won’t lol.
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January 11th, 2010 at 7:59 pm
As long as the parents are doing all the things for the kids it keeps the kids around longer. Some parents don’t teach their kids these important things so that they won’t lose their kids when they are eighteen and it is time to move out.
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January 11th, 2010 at 8:08 pm
Hello:
My neighbor is in her thirties and her mother lives with her and this woman I will call Lucy,gets to sit at home on her lazy butt while her mother who is in her golden years is still working a full-time job at a fast food restaurant,I am not joking about this at all! Meanwhile,Lucy is teaching her daughter Ashley who goes to the same school as my daughter does that it is okay to not have to do ANYTHING because all of Lucy’s relatives pay for her and Ashley’s every need,I am not kidding!
Meanwhile,grandma is out working AT LEAST 60 hours a week while Lucy sits at home on her butt collecting welfare,food stamps and goverment assistance while not having to lift ONE FINGER! I have never been able to figure out why Lucy’s family doesn’t tell her,"like it is,"and basically tell her,"It is time that you grew up and provided for your daughter and we are not helping you anymore until you go out and get a job like a REAL GROWN UP,period end of story."
Lucy tries to act dumber than she is so she isn’t expected to be a REAL ADULT and help her elderly mother out! I am sorry but I could never treat my parents that way especially when they are in their senior years! My attitude is that your parents no matter if you love them or hate them are the ones who fed you,put a roof over your head,and put clothes on your back have done their jobs in raising you,now it is your turn as an adult to take care of them,period end of story!
Lucy’s husband is separated from her but he does pay for whatever the child needs. Her husband got sick and tired of busting his butt working a 80 hour a week job while she sat at home on her fat lazy butt,so they are getting a divorce because he got sick and tired of working his tail off so she could suck off of society and the government! Lucy’s husband pays for whatever Ashley needs,but he tells his wife if she needs something that she needs to grow up and get a job like a real adult has to,and not to expect to live forever off of mommy and daddy!
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Nurse and Mother
January 11th, 2010 at 8:23 pm
it depends on the people’s culture. some countries, the male does not need to do any house chore. all the things are girl’s job.
the other reason is time is changed.few decades ago, many families had seven or eight children. the kids could run the house. but now, families have one or two kids.the parents give over protect to the kids, they won’t let the kids do any things except the school work. so they don’t know how to do.
when you have one kid, you will know what i mean.
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January 11th, 2010 at 8:55 pm
It seems that your examples could also be a cause of laziness and dependency, however, I know what you mean. My children (8 & 3) help me do the household chores. Yes, they are supervised when using solvents or machinery, but my 8 year old knows how to operate the washing machine, does the dusting (she loves to dust, go figure!), vacuums the house, mops the floor, washes windows, and cleans the bathroom counters all without complaining… because she understands that these things need doing, and that Mommy is not going to do it all by herself. Why should I? Her dad is also teaching her how to cook (I don’t like to cook, so that is my hubby’s job). The 3 year old feeds the dog, helps me unload the dishwasher, also loves to dust (it must be the neat duster we have), and picks up her toys every day. This is just how it is in our family, so they know no different. I want them to be able to be self-sufficient when they get older. I also want them to have respect for all the chores that must be done, and for the people that do them daily (like mom!) We have a chore choice chart at home, and the kids get to choose their own chores to do each week. It is a laminated sheet that we can write on with a dry erase pen, and each week, we start with a blank page. Each person can choose to do whatever chore they want, provided that they all get checked off during the week. My oldest likes this, and tries to get her favorite chores before anyone else does… which is great, since it makes her do it quickly and motivates her. My hubby’s best friend still lives at home (33), has mom do his laundry and basically take care of him. I don’t want my kids to be living at home when they are 45! : )
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January 11th, 2010 at 9:18 pm
i think its the fact that people don’t want to take the time to teach children how to do their own chores. for example my mom is 42 and she has my youngest brother who is 10. he doesn’t know how to do anything. just recently she started teaching how to throw the garbage out, the garbage how hard is the garbage, my neighbor has a 6 yr old and he’s been throwing the garbage out on his own your a yr. when i ask my mom why she doesn’t teach… (by the way she taught all of my other siblings when we were that age, my little brother is 10 yrs apart from my little sister and she is 4yr younger than me)… she says is because she doesn’t have the patients or the time. but she does work two jobs, not necessary, and goes to her aerobics class.
i just think people think it’s easier to do it themselves that to take the time to teach.
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January 11th, 2010 at 9:26 pm
Amen. Well it depends on the parents situation. Some parents are single parents and they simply do not have time. Other parents think there child is too perfect and precious to do any type of work, which I think is crap. Just take a look that show on MTV called my Sweet 16 if you don’t believe me. Sometimes the parents are just as lazy. My boyfriend’s mother was a single mother and she trained all of her kids how to be self sufficient. When I first met my boyfriend I was so amazed at how he was able to cook and clean for himself and not needing to be waited on hand and foot. When I have children ALL my kids are going to learn how to cook, clean, and do the laundry. They can have a childhood as well, but they still need to learn responsibility.
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January 11th, 2010 at 9:51 pm
Don’t fool yourself. People know how to do these basic tasks, they just choose not to. I mean, if you neighbors mom went on vacation for 2 months I promise he’d figure out how to take out his trash and wash for himself.
I don’t cook, but that’s a personal choice. I was never showed how to cook but I’m not such a moron that I can’t figure out how to turn on the stove. It’s just something that I choose not to do.
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July 28th, 2010 at 10:49 pm
I am one of those people who were not taught to look after themself as a child. When i got married (at 21) i could cook 3 meals, i did not know how to keep a house efficently….it was a rude awakening…we then had 6 kids in 6 years.
I am a very good cook now. I keep my house, do the jobs i have to do to keep the home running smoothly and home school my kids. I thankfully have a great husband who helps out with the washing and cleaning.
My kids are expected to tidy their rooms, empty and pack the dishwasher, help with the washing and help with the little ones. (my kids are 7.5, 6, 5, 4 and 1.5)
My problem is i find it difficult to teach them HOW to do jobs as i was never shown as a child. I don’t know what they are capable of at what age. In fact i found this post because i googled “How do i teach my kids to clean the bathroom”!!!